
I have so little interest in the Oscars these days that I didn’t even realise until the results came out this afternoon that it even was Oscars time. That said, however bored I am by them unless Will Smith punches someone or there’s a Best Picture announcement fuckup, I nonetheless offer full acknowledgement of when something historic happens. And something did tonight: not only the first female cinematographer to win an Oscar, but a woman of person. Doesn’t that make a refreshing change from all those men of people who’ve monopolised the award for nearly a century?
Sinners didn’t do anywhere near the business I think people were expecting it to do, having earned a record number of nomiations; Slate magazine then ran a piece about how it made by then losing the most number of nominations (16 noms, 4 wins). I haven’t read the piece cos it’s paywalled and I can’t be arsed breaking it, so for all I know it might actually be a perfectly well-meaning piece about the Oscars shafting a worthy contender because a black dude made it and that’s why losing so many nominations was bad… but I kind of doubt that for some reason, and people on Bluesky are roundly slating (ho ho) it for being an essentially mean-spirited take… I mean, yeah, it didn’t win 12 of its nomination, but the four it did win were pretty major ones (original screenplay, cinematography, score, best actor). And one of those was a woman of person, too. I think celebrating that is better…


No, really. I told myself I’d watch (or, more accurately, hate-watch) this thing once it became available on Amazon and someone had ripped it from there and started circulating it elsewhere so that I wouldn’t have to pay for the pleasure, and tonight (with the film having landed on Amazon just a few hours earlier and already spread elsewhere) that was just what I did… albeit I did play it at 1.2x speed to make it a little quicker, and in doing so I learned that if you speed Mushroom Cock up to 1.2x, he almost sounds like a normal person. That is the sum total of what I learned from this thing, mind you; I expected practically nothing from Melania, yet I was still genuinely taken aback by just how vacuous this obscene puff piece actually proved to be. It’s astonishing how little is really going on in this thing; Melania herself comes over as just the most vapid, closed-off charisma void possible, and the film itself a 105-minute wank. nothing but pure narcissism. No insights, no stakes, and no wonder two-thirds of the crew reportedly had their names removed from the credits. It wasn’t even good for a hate-watch. Fuck me and my morbid curiosity, eh. Still, this is the first feature film I’ve watched all year (been watching a ton of shorts), and if nothing else that means everything else I watch this year will have to be a masterpiece by comparison…


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